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Meg Meranus, I need you. Very much.

Welcome Forums Thin Mentality = Mental and Physical Health Meg Meranus, I need you. Very much.

This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Joyful Joyful 1 year, 7 months ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #1661

    kaybee123
    Participant

    Dear Meg,

    I am writing to you out of desperation. I need your help. Maybe you wont know what to tell me, but I have been struggling with the fact that food has had a death grip on me for years now. It isnt making me happy. It isnt making me thinner. It is making me miserable.

    All my life, I was skinny. model thin. Size 00. I never even thought about food, ever. I ate sensible portions of everything I loved naturally. I was famous for being a skinny chocoholic, who could
    take a few bites and forget about it. Or take a few bites of my pasta and feel full. Everyone admired my “willpower”…but it wasn’t will power. It was just…me.

    For reasons unknown however, I was never totally satisfied with my body. I would start to eat healthy, it would maybe last a day, and I would move on. Back to the old ways, still being skinny.

    But when I was 19, something in me changed drastically. I started to want to look more and more like a model. Even though, in hindsight, I did! I was so skinny and beautiful. Now, let me clarify. I was 115 lbs at 5’5. Healthy and naturally lean. But I wanted to lose weight.
    One day, my size 00 pants felt a little snug. I was ultra bloated and remember feeling like I had been puffed up like a balloon. And that was it. I was in. Hook, line, and sinker, into the abyss of weight obsession. I began my first diet I ever committed to, and lost a lot of weight.

    Eventually, my parents intervened when things got too weird. They forced me to eat and gain weight, or they would send me to the doctor. From that point onward, I gained even more weight than I thought I would, and from then on, my body has never been the same. I’ve been yo-yoing the same 5-10 pounds for 3 years. Im 22 now, and probably 120/125 pounds. I don’t really know what I weigh.

    Since the first diet, I feel very watched by my family and tend to overeat at meals to make them happy, out of instinct. I can’t seem to break this cycle. I used to only get through a few bites before feeling full and now I can clean a big plate easily. I have this horrible food dialog of “I can’t eat it” and what do I do? I eat it. Treats, extra bites at dinner even though I’m stuffed, whatever. I do it every day. And it shows.

    I have tried to vow to never diet again, but it doesn’t stop me from over eating. And I want to stop over eating. I want to feel like ME again. I was so much happier in my old body and I want it back for good.

    I am relatively stable in size, but I feel coated in this layer of fat that feels so alien to me. It doesn’t look right on me. I am so uncomfortable in this body.

    I am SICK to death of this. I am sick to death of over eating, obsessing about eating, starving so I can eat, and doing weird stupid tactics to lose weight which obviously never work. I am
    tired of feeling this way and I am at a breaking point now. Too many years of my early twenties wasted on this. My looks ruined because of this. My self esteem ruined. My happiness impaired.

    I. Am. So. Done.

    What do I do? How can I stop this? Will I ever be my old self again?

    #1670

    2010lkd21
    Participant

    Hi kaybee123,

    I have just discovered and joined the Diets are Fattening community…and it’s like a breath of fresh air. Like you, I have been yo-yoing up and down the same 5-10 pounds for about 2 and a half to 3 years now and it’s making me so so unhappy. Dieting is a vicious habit and safety net that I been reliant on for a long time now and I just can’t seem to break free from it – I’m scared of letting go but I know I need to. Overeating and even binging are such common acts for me now and everytime that I vow to stop (by going on another diet), they just get worse and I feel even more guilty, which results in yet another diet and so on.
    ‘I am sick to death of over eating, obsessing about eating, starving so I can eat, and doing weird stupid tactics to lose weight which obviously never work. I am tired of feeling this way and I am at a breaking point now. Too many years of my early twenties wasted on this’ – these words were literally written as though I had spoken them myself! I am now 25 and have spent the last few years obsessing over food, exercise and weight, dieting down for parties and holidays, binging my way back up afterwards and it has exhausted me.
    Seeing your post on here was reassuring in a way, as I know I’m not the only one struggling with this situation.
    I would love to support and get support from someone like you who is at their wit’s end and just wants to get their life back and eat as a naturally thin person.
    Would be great to hear back from you!

    #1671

    kaybee123
    Participant

    2010lkd,

    I came back to this post I wrote a few months ago, just to read my own words again. I am reflecting on how far I’ve come, and it’s only been a few weeks.

    I put all of my effort into taking on this mentality once again- this diet-free mentality. And needless to say…the few pounds I had on me literally melted off. It was so bizarre. My body looks completely different now. I am back in my size 00 pants. Can you believe it! It’s crazy.

    I hope that you find your way. Commit to never dieting again. I made a vow to myself that I wrote down and remind myself of every time I eat. It goes like this:

    “I vow to stop overeating. There is no need, physically or emotionally. I love and respect myself enough to know that the pain that follows is not worth it. I and my body are capable of being so much more. I will eat when I am hungry. Whatever I want. And I will stop when I am satisfied. I will no longer skip meals, fill my stomach with fake sugary or carbonated drinks to fool myself into being full. I will stop avoiding food. I will stop saying “tomorrow”. I will stop saying “no”, only to eat twice as much as I normally would. I am set free in the knowledge that years of these efforts reaped no benefit. It all started with attaching guilt to food, and look where it got me. I will be in tune with my body and out of tune with society. I will fall back into my natural weight and feel good, even if others think what I am eating is “bad”, “too little”, or “too much”. I eat ONLY to satisfy ME. I will allow anybody to comment on when I have stopped eating, confident in the knowledge that I adequately feed myself. And in this, I feed my soul.

    I vow to never diet again.”

    This has changed me completely. I still slip up sometimes, I find the hard thing is feeling like I have to eat at dinners or events if other people are, out of fear of judgement. I am still working on this one. Last hurdle. But I mean, it has no effect on my weight at all. I eat whatever I want whenever I’m hungry and resist that urge to tell myself no. And I have my body, but most importantly my SANITY, back.

    Would love to hear more about your journey.

    THANK YOU, meg meranus. If you ever see this. You changed my life.

    #1672

    2010lkd21
    Participant

    Hi kaybee123 🙂

    I am so so happy to see that you replied to my message and even more pleased to hear that you are doing so well! It’s definitely the encouragement and inspiration that I desperately need at the moment!

    I re-read your original post and can relate to so much of it, so knowing that you are on your way to getting your life, body and normal relationship with food back is so exciting to me – as it gives me hope that I can get there too!

    Overeating is such a huge struggle for me at the moment and something I feel like I constantly have to work at every day. ‘I have tried to vow to never diet again, but it doesn’t stop me from over eating. And I want to stop over eating.’ – this could have literally been me saying this! Also when you mentioned that you were ‘relatively stable in size, but I feel coated in this layer of fat’ and how sick to death you were of over eating, obsessing about eating, starving so you can eat, and doing weird stupid tactics to lose weight which obviously never work – it was like looking in a mirror! You literally described my exact feelings at the moment, so knowing that you are on your way to being a naturally thin person and eater is AMAZING! 🙂

    I would love to hear about your experience so far and any tips or tactics you have used! I go on holiday next weekend and currently feel desperate enough to do some awful diet for a week to try and feel better about myself, but i know in the long run it’ll only hurt me more. It would be a dream to come back from my holiday knowing I hadn’t starved before then binged whilst I was there, knowing that I enjoyed myself and ate as a naturally thin person would.

    If you have any help or advice to give me it would be amazing. I tried naturally thin eating for around 2 weeks and loved it, was doing really well then slipped up – so I need some encouragement to get back on it and eventually get to where you are!

    #1673

    kaybee123
    Participant

    2010lkd21,

    So nice to hear from you again!

    Honestly, I can’t believe that I’m back where I used to be again. I started this journey exactly 8 weeks ago, which in the grand scheme of things is not a long time at all. I’m still very aware of this as every day passes. Who knows, I might be forever. But I am okay with that. Some days its hard, where I feel like I didn’t do it “properly”. Sometimes I will wait too long to eat without realizing how hungry I’ve gotten and eat a little too much, or succumb to pressure to eat when I’m not hungry. I feel bad for a while but I re-center myself. I know now that my body will make up for whatever trip up I have. And I remember that no one, even people who have never struggled with this before, overeat sometimes. That always really helps.

    You mentioned you “slipped up” and stopped eating naturally. The one thing that I will caution you not to do is over compensate for these slip ups by restricting. Breathe deeply and centre yourself, and remind yourself that the next time you are truly hungry is a chance to get it right. Just as meg preaches. “Celebrate the small victories”. And thats what every meal should be. Starting a diet will only mess with your head and body. Don’t do it! Keep following Meg’s advice. It’s uncomfortable at first but it really is the only way out of where you’ve gotten yourself.

    Dont diet before vacation. Don’t binge on vacation. Tune in to your body and I promise you will lose your extra “layer” just as I did. I feel so much better…never thought I’d be back in my old clothes but I really am. And it’s because I COMPLETELY and totally rejected ANY microscopic belief inside of me that dieting tactics worked.

    For example- for lunch yesterday I was hungry at like…11 AM. I listened intently to what I was hungry for, ended up going to Tim Hortons and got a spicy crispy chicken sandwich, a peanut butter cookie and a chocolate milk. A lot of food, but I was so hungry. I sat down and ate it slowly, enjoying it (oh sooooooooo thoroughly) and couldn’t finish it. Whereas before I’d scarf it down, feel guilty and numb and go in for more. I stopped when I was happily satisfied and wasn’t hungry until much later that night. Brought the leftovers home and snacked on them when I was hungry. No diet tactics in sight, my body felt totally at peace and I was focused on matters other than my gosh darned weight.

    I hope you’re well and that you get back to where you were soon! I’ll keep checking back to support you!

    #1682

    2010lkd21
    Participant

    Hi Kaybee123

    Thanks so much for another lovely reply! From over in the States I’m guessing, as I have no idea what Tim Hortons is! 🙂
    So so so pleased to hear how well you are doing and that you are back to your naturally thin self! I am not only envious but also really inspired by your success! So motivational to hear from a real life example who has taken Meg’s advance and done so well. Also encouraging to know that everyday hasn’t been perfect for you, but that you have always managed to keep focused with your end goal – of being a naturally thin person with a healthy relationship with food and your weight!
    If I’m honest – I well and truly fell off the thin mentality bandwagon in recent weeks, what with my holiday and then some recent stressful events. But instead of beginning yet another time to redeem whatever weight ‘damage’ I have done, I have decided that it’s now or never with changing my eating habits and approach to food for good. I am done with overeating, undereating, calorie counting, compensating with exercise, then binging again etc. I’ve finally realised that in the long term, it’s never done me any good and has only lead to me to where I am now, which is not where I want to stay.
    Loved hearing about your real life example of when you had your lunch at 11:00 etc – I find examples like that so interesting and motivating! They are such a good way of showing me how exactly the thin mentality works in practise! If you have any others you can think of, please let me know!
    I would like to ask, if possible, what you do for a job? I work in an office and do not always have access to all kinds of food, all of the time. My question is how do you respond appropriately to a hunger craving for a particular food if its not available for you to have at the time? For example, say it was 13:00 and for my lunch I was absolutely craving a particular soup, but I hadn’t brought it in with me (as I shouldn’t be overthinking and pre-planning all my meals) and there is nowhere near my office I could go and get it? Do you substitute for the next best thing? Or do you just go without and have something totally different? I totally get it when Meg says you should respond to whatever it is your body is craving, but what happens when you can’t? I would love to hear about how you approach this 🙂

    Thanks again!

    #1920
    Joyful
    Joyful
    Participant

    Hi to both of you on this post. It’s been a few months since your conversation, but it was inspiring for me to read, reinforcing that there are so many of us out there with the same issues. Unlike you two, I’m double your age, but I wish I had run across someone like Meg in my 20’s. The 5-10 lb swing you have experienced becomes a 35-40 lb swing as you get older and have done more and more dieting. It takes a terrible toll on the body, not to mention your psyche. I adopted my thin mentality 30 days ago and I’m thrilled with how differently I approach food, and with the changes in my body. I was 40 lbs over my ideal weight of 128lbs, I’m only 5’3″…but my body wasn’t the size 00 shape EVER! I love Meg’s book where she discusses body types. It’s something I knew, but never really accepted.

    I’ll never diet again. I write my affirmation daily and it feels wonderful, I have a journal and use a pen with green ink (my favorite color) to write down my challenges and successes.

    To answer the last question by 2010lkd21 if I want something particular and can’t get it then, just try to make a plan for when I can get it and take a second or third choice. Many times by the time I can get the original choice I find I’m no longer interested!

    I hope you both are still with it and enjoying your naturally thin lifestyle.

    Joyful

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