Delay, Don’t Deny

happy dessert eaterDoes this ever happen to you?

You enjoy your dinner and then a nice dessert is offered.  It is your favorite and those around you are partaking. You look at the dessert and feel an overwhelming urge to eat it even though you aren’t hungry.

Well it certainly happened to me hundreds of times during my 25 years as a dieter (ages 15-40.)

Sometimes I would be able to resist, and other times I wouldn’t.  If I ate the dessert, it tasted good, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I could have because I was already figuring out ways to make up for the indulgence or at least just feeling guilty.  And if I didn’t eat it, I would feel left out and even resentful.

Again, does this sound familiar to you at all?  There is a way out of this kind of struggle.

It involves a perspective change, not willpower. Whew, right?

Instead of thinking:

“Wow, I really want that dessert, I feel like I should treat myself, after all I have had a hard day, and I am just going to eat it and deal with the consequences later.”

Tweak your thinking to sound more like this:

“Wow, I really love that dessert.  It is my favorite.  I am going to give myself the time I need to get hungry again so that I will be able to treat myself to this dessert and enjoy it with the most satisfaction possible.  I am not denying myself, I am simply delaying eating until hunger returns.  (Which is many times a day!!)  I will take a portion with me, or make sure that I cut a piece for myself so there will be some left for me or whatever, and then when I get hungry, I am going to enjoy that dessert completely.  There will be no guilt.  There will only be pleasure. And that is how I will treat myself and treat myself well.

I have to remind you that even though you think that when you stop dieting, you will only crave desserts, that isn’t true.  And as you get stronger and stronger with your thin mentality, you will enjoy your food choices, but you will not be held captive by them.

Even waiting ten minutes the first time you run into this scenario will help you to build your thin mentality.  And as that ten minutes turns into a longer period of time while you wait until hunger returns, you will experience the feelings of satisfaction and control that comes with acknowledging you desire for something wonderful to eat, and eating it with no guilt, no regret.

Your thin mentality will destress your relationship with food and allow you to care for yourself by providing your body with the food it craves.   It is not “wrong” to crave dessert.  It is not evil.  It is not poison.  It is a beautiful part of life.

And again, remember, you will nutritious food too!!  Give your body a chance to show you that it knows what you need.




How Nutrition Goes With A Thin Mentality

Women-sitting-in-outdoor-cafe-choosing-from-menu-2672774I get it.

You are trying to ignite your thin mentality but you don’t understand how nutrition fits in.

The reason you are worried about nutrition is because you do not believe that your body can direct you to the proper food choices for your best health.  You don’t think that your body will ask for nutritious food.

And, in the beginning of your “metamorphosis,” you won’t be great at listening for your body’s signals to eat “nutritious” food.  Since you are so used to a diet mentality, you have a lot of “interference” running through your head.

For example-  you won’t believe that you are actually “allowed” to eat a candy bar so you will really look for opportunities to “hear” that your body is asking for something sweet like that.  And, since you are really hoping to “hear” that, you may actually hear it more often.

First, don’t freak out about this.  A 280 calorie candy bar isn’t going to “ruin” you or your day!  As long as you were truly hungry when you ate it, you won’t gain weight from it.  Remember, eating when you were hungry is not what made you fatter than you want to be.  Eating when you were not hungry is what got you into trouble…

Okay, but back to the topic here.

Over time, you will be less excited that you can eat whatever you crave.  You will get used to it.  It won’t feel like such a big deal.  Yes, you, the former dieter, are free to eat like a normal, thin person.  And a normal, thin mentality person is happy to eat a nice dessert, when that is what the body is craving.  But since that is now an accepted part of your life, it loses some of its pizazz!  And then you know what happens?

Just as you are open to eat desserts, french fries etc., you are also more open to eat what you now consider to be “good” foods.  You will discover which of these foods you actually really like.  And when you are eating “nutritious foods” under your own direction, they taste better.  It is not a punishment to eat a big head of broccoli, for example.  When you crave broccoli, it is just as rewarding, and satisfying, as the formerly forbidden treat.

Do you get that?

The foods that you aren’t allowed as a dieter lose some of their magic when they are no longer forbidden.  And the foods that are pushed on you now, regain some of their magic when it is your choice to eat them.  And it helps that if you like a little butter on your broccoli, you may enjoy it.

I completely understand the the nutrition aspect is tricky.  We are inundated with messaging about good nutrition.  Eat this for good eyesight.  Eat this for longevity.  Avoid this if you want to  avoid cancer.  Bla Bla Bla

Let’s get to a healthful, stable body weight first.  Right?  Not only is it great for your body, it is “good for the soul.”  Think how many sad and depressing thoughts you have when you feel fat. Do you think those thoughts are good for your body?  NO!  Those sad thoughts are poison to you!  Get happy and relaxed with your thin mentality.

Focus on listening to your body for good direction on what to eat.  Despite what you think, your body has your best interests at heart.  Your body will crave a wide variety of foods including “good” food and what you formerly considered “bad” food.  I hate to even call food bad.  Ask the starving child in a destitute situation if the fried chicken and coke are “bad.”

Food isn’t bad.  Eating when you aren’t hungry is bad no matter how fabulously healthful that food is.  Overdosing on carrots makes you feel sick too.

So-  for your nutritional health, keep listening to that wise body of yours.  If it asks for protein- by making you crave a steak, and you give it candy, you are not reinforcing a thin mentality.  Let your body lead you.  Do not allow a situation to determine your eating.  Do not allow the “new fabulous food of the day by Dr. Oz” determine what you eat.  Do not look to your friend, mother or spouse to figure out what you should have.

Stay within yourself.  Quiet your brain.  Let your body talk to you.  It will ask for nutritious food.  And, by the way, the only one who can “hear” your body is you.  So if you don’t listen to it, who will?


There Is No Such Thing As Fattening Food

VectorToons.comSome foods are more calorie dense than others, yes that is true.

But guess what?

A thin person (not a dieter,) notices that rich food fills them up very quickly.  They enjoy it, are satisfied it, and stop eating.

Does that sound unbelievable to you?

That is because you have a diet mentality getting in the way.

Mother Nature has it all worked out for us.  You eat something high in calories, and you need less of it to be satiated.  You eat something like a salad, and it temporarily fills you up, but because it is low in calories, you get hungry again soon and need to eat more.

How wonderful that we have this great internal monitor to help us know when we need to eat more- hunger!

And yes, you need to learn how to recognize true hunger from boredom hunger, habit hunger, psychological hunger bla bla bla.

You CAN.  It isn’t as hard as you think.

It just seems hard now because you have trained yourself to eat when you aren’t hungry (according to some ridiculous diet plan) and to not eat when you are very hungry.

Please give yourself a chance to enjoy a life in harmony with your instinct to eat and your instinct NOT to eat.

As you are developing your ability to do this, just remember one “rule:”  Eat when you are hungry only.

It is a completely different world than the food/diet obsessed one you are used to.  I know you have doubts.  I did too.  I just got so so so so sick of dieting that I couldn’t do it anymore.  I am so glad that I got to that place and was willing to try listening to myself.

My goal is to share it with you.  I was 40 when I finally figured it out.  I want you to figure it out earlier if possible.  If you already over 40, please learn from my experience.  It is not too late.


Nutrition is important, but…

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I recently posted on FB that fast food gets over-demonized.

My point was that some people hyper-concern themselves with nutrition, and miss that being disconnected with hunger and satiety are way more detrimental to health than eating some fast food.

Have you heard of orthorexia?

Orthorexia is a disorder where you becomes obsessed with the “perfect diet” and the cleanliness of food, and eating a highly regulated regime.  I call these people “righteous eaters.”

Caring about nutrition is fine, but when it turns into an obsession and a hunt for perfection, you can do permanent damage to your body and to your mental health, on several levels.

Here are some of the foods orthorexics tend to restrict, or completely remove from their diets:

Dairy, meats, and eggs: Cutting out these foods could mean you’re not getting B12, needed for proper brain function and red blood cell production.

Gluten and grains: Grains contain minerals that we need (like magnesium, which is needed for healthy bones and nerves; and manganese, which is needed for healthy heart function).

Fat: Good quality fats, found in foods like olive oil, avocado, nuts and seeds, grass-fed beef, grass-fed dairy and pasture-raised eggs are a must for the body.  They keep skin healthy, cushion and protect vital organs, insulate the body against heat loss, protect nerve tissue, and help regulate women’s menstrual cycles. 

Placing yourself under regular mental stress regarding making “perfect” food choices can trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Normally, these hormones are meant to fire when you’re in a threatening situation to boost energy supply for immediately action.  But when your mind believes there is a constant threat, even low levels of these hormones, like cortisol for example, can suppress the digestive system, the reproductive system, and growth processes.

So, instead of demonizing, or sainting certain foods, focus on responding to your body.  Take the heat off of your eating decisions and relax a bit.  An Egg Mcmuffin when you crave one isn’t going to hurt you, as long as you wait for hunger.

Eat what you crave, listen to your body.  Refuse to eat without hunger.

Results of this?
Less stress on your mind, and therefore your body.
Happier relationship with food and eating
Stable lean weight

Quite a nice payoff for understanding the downside of “over worrying” about nutrition and “under worrying” about being connected to true hunger.


Serving Sizes Are Just Suggestions


Let’s say you are eating a granola bar.  It is the middle of the afternoon and you have been busy so you just had to grab something quick to satisfy your hunger.  After you eat one, you just aren’t in “neutral” yet.  You still need a little something.  So, you open another granola bar that you keep in your car for just such instances.

Now, here is where you need to remember to keep checking in with your hunger.  Just because you needed more than one, doesn’t need you mean two, just because that is how they are packaged.  Right?  Tell yourself that of course you can eat until you aren’t hungry anymore.  But that you will keep checking in to see if you could  be ready to stop eating before you are through that second granola bar.

Just keep this kind of mindful eating in mind.  It isn’t a test.  It is practice forming a habit that will serve you well.  Again, just because the serving sizes are a certain size does not mean that those sizes work for you.  You may need 1 1/2 of a bar.  You may need 2 1/4.  You may need 3.  Who the heck knows?

Actually, there is someone who knows.  It is YOU.  Give your body a chance to talk to you to give you the guidance you need to eat the appropriate amount and type of food for your unique body on this specific day.



Eating A Huge Salad Teaches You To Ignore Satiety

huge salad

I used to woof down huge salads when I was a dieter.  Oh sure, they had vegetables and I was careful with the dressing etc.  So yes, they were ever so “healthful.”

But, since this was all I was “allowed” to eat, plus maybe a little plain chicken and a diet jello, I made darn sure I ate every last bite. Does this sound familiar?  Do you know what this teaches you?  It teaches you to ignore your stomach that is bloated with broccoli and cauliflower, and instead eat because of the future- as in – you are not allowed to eat later so stock up now.

This is absolutely backwards.

Overloading your stomach is never a good idea.  Right? Does it feel good?  No!  So listen to your body telling you to stop.  Again, even if you know what you are eating is nutritious.

Instead, train yourself to eat until you aren’t hungry anymore.  Eat until you are in the happy state of being satisfied but still feeling good and breathing normally for goodness sake!!

Remember, eating past satiety is a habit – that you can break.  Don’t be afraid!  It is not eating when you ARE hungry that is hard.  When you learn that any ole time your body asks for food you can eat, you will no longer fear hunger and your diet mentality will fade away.  YEA!


Thin Mentality Quiz Question Explained


I hope your thin mentality is coming along!  Here is the second answer to the thin mentality quiz explained.

Here was the question:

2.  If you are eating something and you realize it is not “hitting the spot,” what is the Thin Mentality thing to do?

  • a.  Just eat it anyway, another meal is around the corner
  • b. Stop eating it and if at all possible, get something that does hit the spot.
  • c. Stop eating it and just stay hungry.

The answer is B.

Here is why:

Anytime you don’t take care of your hunger with respect to what your body is asking for, you undermine your progress toward establishing a thin mentality.

Remember, food for thin mentality people is a joy, not  a punishment, and what you eat is based on you, not a book, a diet list, or Dr. Oz.   And I need to remind you that you will crave nutritious food as well as cake.  That is life, that is normal, that is good.

So establish the habit of being very picky and respectful of what your body is telling you.

For example,  if I get up late and am meeting someone for a meal and they want to go to lunch because it is already 11:30, I try to find a place that has breakfast food too.  Because, for example on weekends, if I  got up at 9:30 and just had some coffee, I am not in the mood for lunch at 11:30.  I am in the mood for breakfast.  And being “in the mood” for a food counts as important!  It is part of the joy of eating.

And I respect my moods and I believe that my body has important messages for me.  Maybe I crave breakfast because breakfast food is generally sweeter, for me, and I need that sweetness and calories to start my day.   I just know that if I say yes to eating lunch when I want breakfast, I will start my day on a less than fantastic food note.

No, it is not always possible to take care of your hunger like this.  Life gets in the way.  But, in general, if you value what you crave and try to respect that craving, your thin mentality will take off.

Of course the flip side of this fantastic freedom and joy is that you must also establish the habit of STOPPING when hunger is quiet.  Of course this is respecting your body’s voice as well.

But when you CAN eat whenever you are hungry, you will begin to see that the pleasure of eating without hunger pales in comparison.  Just say to yourself, yes I can have more food whenever my body gives me a signal to eat.

So the next time you want an omlette and hash browns and you are at a burger joint, remember it is worth it to wait (unless you are in stage 3 hunger) to get what you truly want.  I have absolutely done that– been at a restaurant and just had coffee, left my friends and gone and had the breakfast I was craving.  No not always possible, but when it is, you feel calm, taken care of and your thin mentality strengthens.

Value your hunger.  Value your cravings. Respect your body’s voice.

Have a great evening.





Over Fortified Cereal- Example of Over Focus on Nutrition instead of Amount of Food


Of course nutrition is important.  It is just that we value nutrition above an equally important concept: Eating appropriate amounts of food.

I wasn’t surprised to hear of a growing concern that kids are getting too much of certain vitamins from fortified cereals:

We would be so much better off teaching our kids to eat appropriate amounts of food by modeling what I call “thin mentality” behavior instead of pushing food that we believe is healthful, only to accidentally overload them with dangerous amounts of vitamins.

Thin mentality behavior respects hunger, cravings and, of course, satiety.  The benefits of learning how to eat this way are manifold and include:

  1. Lower stress:  Weight concerns cause an incredible amount of stress.
  2. Stabilized weight: Your thin mentality will guide you to your ideal weight range and you will stay there.  No more yo-yo weight loss/gain.
  3. Increased joy: Reconnecting with the joy of eating and the incredible gift of food makes life so much happier. When you fear food and have a perverted relationship with eating, you lose that!
  4. Self image improvement:  Your thin mentality will help you to respect and appreciate your body.  And you will work with Mother Nature, not against her,  as you get to your ideal weight range.

So, don’t waste any more time trying to eat perfectly.  Learn to eat responsively instead.  And your body will start guiding you as soon as you start to listen.  I promise, your voice is there.  She is just whispering because you have ignored her for so long.






Oh Gee, You “Get To” Eat Bread


A new ad for a weight loss program shows this lady so happy because she is “allowed to eat bread.’

Is that how you want to live?  Do you really want someone to tell you that you can eat bread?  Don’t you want to be a grown up?

It is like the soda rule in New York.

I am not saying people should swig a 2 liter soft drink bottle.  I just want you to get mad at all the profit driven bossiness.  I want you to say:

“When my body craves a soft drink, I will drink it. Now leave me alone!  And,  when my body wants some bread and butter, I will eat it.  And as soon as my body tells me that I have had enough, I will stop.  I respect the wisdom of my body far more than that lady who is being paid to dance around and say how great dieting is.”  And, that is why I am thin 🙂

I read an article right after New Year’s by this guy who was making fun of his annual trip to Weight Watchers.  He was funny, the way he wrote it, but really it was so sad.  He was trying to make the best of it, but every year, he lost weight because he felt very motivated at the in-person weigh ins,(didn’t want to disappoint!) but he always gained it back.

Here is the link to it! Read it for great motivation on NOT DIETING!!

It is on page 54 and is called “Fatman Begins”  by Bob Woodiwess-  it is from Cincinnati Magazine


They shake their heads? You smile…

eating argue

As you set out to reestablish a healthy relationship with food and eating, and get thin once and for all, do not underestimate the objections you will run into.  Well meaning people think that dieting and restrictions are the only way.  They will shake their heads when you select a cookie from the buffet.

I respect these people because I know that their motives are good.  But having good motives can’t change that dieting causes misery, weight gain, and food obsessions.

Once you get your weight to a good place, it is easier to handle these looks because you can say, “Hey, look at me, I am fine.”

But if you are heavy, it is harder to eat in response to hunger with confidence in front of others.  Your spouse, your mother, your friends may, in an effort to help you, tell you that it cannot possibly be good to eat a cookie.

That is why I built this site, blog, and post on Facebook.  You need an ally in this.  Check in often to stay strong.  Get energy and confidence from other peoples’ comments and posts.  And for those of you who are having good experiences building your thin mentality, please share because words from you mean more than words from me.

It is good to have a few key phrases you say to yourself to handle comments, or looks or pro-diet propaganda-  (I honestly don’t think propaganda is too strong a word!)

Here are a couple of phrases:

I can eat it all, just not all at once.
If diets worked we would all be thin- (including the people who are shaking their heads!)
My body is smarter than any diet expert.
Delay eating, don’t deny.
Eating a cookie when I am hungry for something sweet is reasonable
Eating three bowls green beans when I am hungry for something sweet is not.

It takes perseverance, strength, and faith in yourself that you can be one of the people who can look at the diet culture we live in, and reject it in favor of a calm, reasonable, biology driven eating.

But this is still easier than dieting for the rest of your life.  And more fun. And permanent. And smarter.