Archive for: August, 2015

Less Eating, More Enjoyment, Less Guilt, More Pleasure

be nice

Yes, if you are heavy now, even 10 pounds overweight, once you develop your thin mentality you will, indeed be eating less.

Don’t panic!

Why not?

Because when you eat what you want when you are hungry, life is good.  It is denying food when you really need something that STINKS!  Ha!  Really, it does.

I remember dieting and having that weak feeling and grumpy state of mind from no carbohydrates.  And I will tell you, that I think I had good willpower.  I would bust through those times and end the day with the “right” amount of calories, carbs, etc., for whatever diet I was on.  But when I got to my goal weight, I felt like I was a rubber band that was going to snap back.

And I always did.   I NEVER stayed at that goal weight for honestly more than a day!?!

But eating less with my thin mentality is NOT HARD.  I am not fighting myself.


Last night at dinner I barely ate my entree.  (We were out.)  That would never have happened when I was a dieter.  I would have shoved it down because I was about to go on a diet and I “better eat it while I can,”  or I would have been on a rigid diet and not ordered what I really wanted and scarfed up every bite, or I would have been on a diet and just gone off of it because I couldn’t stand it.  (And having a glass of wine with dinner always gave me some extra courage to ditch my diet for the night.)

It is not hard to refuse food when I am at dinner and not hungry.  Believe me that this would have seemed so unbelievable to me 12 years ago.

Why the heck would I eat this and make my body feel bad (overeating feels BAD when you are in touch with your body!) when I can eat whenever and whatever I want when I am hungry?

No motivation for over eating whatsoever.

So you love food!?

So do I.  I enjoy food more than when I was a dieter, more than when I just gave up, more than ever.  It is a joy.

And being joyful and thin is worth the complete perspective shift and the effort it takes to develop your thin mentality.

Honestly, stick with me, I am here to help you with as much encouragement as I can.  Why?  Because I wish someone had helped me.  🙂

So today-  every time you are hungry, notice it, notice how much or little it takes to satisfy yourself.  See how your hunger comes (and goes, it is not a straight line.)  Get to know yourself and what you like.  What do you crave?  What food did you think you liked, but now that you are “free” to eat it, it isn’t all that exciting?

Take the time to figure this stuff out.

It will help you connect with yourself, and stay true to your body,  Your body is your “friend,” and on your side.  Be nice to it.


Remember What Your Real Choices Are

chart of rebound weight 600

Does this sound familiar?

You say to yourself, “This “diets are fattening” idea is interesting,  I will give this a try, but if it doesn’t work and I pig out or something, I will have to diet again..”


If you say that to yourself, you are dooming yourself to failure here.

The reason?

If say to yourself that you will go on a diet if you don’t lose weight by developing your thin mentality, you have given yourself an “out.”

But really, there is NO OUT!

What do I mean?  I mean that you must remember what your real choices are.

1.  Stop dieting and learn to behave, and then become, a naturally thin person.

2.  Give up completely and continue to gain weight

3.  Diet and have yo yo weight gains for the rest of your life.

Notice, that “diet and keep the weight off” is not there.  It is not there because it is not going to happen!  How do I know?  Well, if you are reading this, you have already tried this many many times.  And it hasn’t worked.  You have NOT kept it off.

Stop blaming yourself.  You are struggling under a flawed paradigm.  That is not to say you aren’t responsible for you.

I am just suggesting that you “keep it real!”   And that means no fooling yourself into thinking that if you just find the right diet, your problems will be solved.

So use today as a stepping stone to get closer to having the thin body you were meant to have.  And do this by 100% committing to eating as mother nature intended, in response to hunger.

If your body knows that you will feed it whenever it is truly hungry, it will relax and stop sending you “pig out” signals.    There is no joy in overeating when you can eat whenever you are hungry.  There is no joy in shoving a whole gallon of popcorn down the hatch at a movie when you ate exactly what you wanted at dinner.

Try it, stay committed and you will see…


Taste bud wisdom



Take a bite of something when you are not hungry.  Notice how it feels.  There is no big spark of taste bud happiness, is there?  It may still be “good,” but there are no fireworks, are there?

At this point, if I eat when I am not hungry, or hungry enough, I know it immediately because the food almost feels foreign in my mouth.  LIke my body is saying, “Hey, what the heck is this?”

Honestly, I remember a time when I would have said that life would be so great if I could just eat what I wanted.  I imagined myself eating tons of food and being slim.

Okay, well here is the thing:   With a thin mentality, you do eat whatever you want.  But the catch is, that you don’t end up eating as much as you thought you would.  That is the whole crux of it.

I know you may not believe me.  I would not have thought this was true either.  But, free yourself from the good food, bad food dieting tyranny that has crippled your ability to eat normally.  You can get normal eating back.  And when you eat normally, for your specific body, and body type, your weight returns to normal for you.

If you want to be super skinny, you are gong to have to eat abnormally.

But if you want to be normal/thin, rebuild your normal relationship with food.


Response to Email From New Bride



It is great to hear from you and I am so glad your wedding celebration and holiday was wonderful.   Now for the weight:

The first thing is I don’t know how tall you are-  just want to make sure you aren’t going for too small a size!  But assuming you aren’t…

Keep these thoughts in your head:

1.  Remember that yes, indeed, thin people do eat less.  So get really really picky.  Refuse to put anything in your mouth that isn’t up to your standards.  You want fresh, wonderful food that you are craving.  It is really powerful to be picky.  You feel in control, and like you are worth taking care of.  Some random snack off an old shelf is NOT good enough for you and your body.

I love it when people call me picky.  I take it as a complement.  Why wouldn’t I be a picky eater?  I am picky about other stuff!   I can not be persuaded by any circumstance or person to eat something when I am not hungry for it.  And that is a good feeling that I have protected and strengthened over the years, and you can too.

2.   And then, while you are eating, listen for your body to “put on the brakes” so to speak.  Be hyper aware of that.  See how soon you can stop eating and still feel good.  In other words-  let’s say your stomach, when it is busting full, is at a “10.”  Maybe you are doing really well and stopping at 5.  But maybe, if you want to lose more weight, you could try stopping at a 4.

This does not mean to stop when you are still hungry!  I cannot emphasize that enough!!!!.

It means just taking one or two bites less.   It does not mean suffering.  If you punish your body by denying food when you are hungry, you will pay for it.  You will have a backlash that includes those horrible binges.  This is really important because one day of bingeing can “undo” a couple of weeks of naturally thin eating.  Right?  Because if you are eating as a naturally thin person, you are probably diminishing your calorie count by 200-400 calories per day.   And we all know that a you a binge of 3000 calories takes a long time to counteract…

And as you learn about yourself and your hunger and where stopping at “4” is for you, you will make mistakes and stop eating too soon.  No big deal, just take a few more bites, right?  (Keep something with you, that you generally like, so if feel over-hungry and unhappy, you can take care of yourself.)

3.  Remember that you must continue to stay in the present.  I know losing weight is a goal that looms large in your head. I understand that and agree that is way more fun to be thin!  It is worth the effort  to get to a weight you like.

But don’t stop living and enjoying TODAY.  Putting off happiness because of your weight is a diet mentality.  Over time, as a naturally thin person, you will actually become more  and more comfortable with less food and that is how you lose weight.

It is hard to say that to a person who is new to building their thin mentality because it makes them fearful that they will be hungry and unhappy.

But, as I think you know already:

Delaying eating until you are hungry, and then enjoying what you are hungry for, and stopping when the pleasure of eating has diminished because you aren’t hungry anymore is NOT suffering.  It is really, really nice and we are lucky to have a whole lot of choices and delicious things available to us.   

But it takes time!  It took time to gain, it takes time to lose.  And your body is making adjustments along the way and that takes time to get used to.

For example- let’s say you weighed 170, and then your body had to get used to 160 and then it had to get used to 150.  This is taxing on your body, obviously.  Andy change, even good change, is stressful.   Give your body a chance to catch up!

4.  So, to sum up:

  • Be as picky about eating as you are about other things you really care about in your life (shoes?? ha!)
  • Trying eating a couple bites less- that adds up.
  • Stay in the present and enjoy how far you have come

And since I am an old married lady, here is a little piece of advice your husband might want you to have.  There is nothing sexy about a woman who is hyper focused on not eating food and losing weight.  It drains energy away from more important things…

Becoming naturally thin is about taking the focus off of denial and placing it on the joy of eating what you want, in harmony with your biology, not in harmony external forces-  (the clock, for example)

Your husband loves you and wants you to be happy.  Take care of yourself by being picky about what you eat, not by being obsessed with how quickly you can lose weight.  This is a lifetime change.  He will thank you for NOT being one of those wives who orders chicken with no skin and a dry salad.  He will be happy that you know how to enjoy food.

Hope you don’t mind that advice.  I just wish someone had told me that.    Thankfully, my husband put up with my dieting and grumpiness when my diet didn’t go well for a long time, but it is way more fun now.  🙂

Because I think you are not alone, I am posting this response on the blog- in an effort to help others-  thanks for the great questions and for contacting me.  I love to hear how you are doing !

Tally ho (my effort at being British for you!!)


Ridiculous “Expert” Diet Advice

Anderson Cooper had a “diet expert” on his show yesterday, July 18 2012Cooper1.  I mentioned it on Facebook but thought that it could use some more analysis.

The expert was very chatty about the importance of “environmental control” as a way to help lose weight.   Her advice included:

  • Don’t use the kitchen door, use the main door to get in your house, so you think about eating.
  • Paint your kitchen blue because that doesn’t stimulate eating like yellow or red. the colors fast food chains use.
  • Hide the “bad” food in the drawers of your refrigerator.

Do you see what a diet mentality this kind of advice perpetrates?

Instead of eating because you are hungry, you control your  weight by “controlling” your surroundings.  Do you see how “back asswords” this is?

When you develop a thin mentality, you can deal with anything that life throws your way.  You are calm and happy with respect to your body and eating.  You are not a “victim” of circumstance, as this “diet expert” paints us.

You are in charge of you, not the color of your kitchen!  Your body and psyche are in harmony.  You eat because of hunger.  And you enjoy it and look forward to it.

The diet “expert” thinks that this is what will happen:

Oh yes, I will “hide” the food I really want in the drawer of my fridge, and I am so easily fooled that I will forget it is there, and I will eat an apple instead and I will never miss eating that bread.

This is what will really happen:

I know there is some bread and butter in the bottom drawer, and I am really hungry and that is what my body is craving, probably because I worked out yesterday, pretty hard.    But instead, I will eat this apple.  Then, after a few weeks of this, I will go on a binge and eat a whole loaf of bread and a bunch of butter on it.  I won’t enjoy it that much because I will shove it down really quickly and I will feel very guilty.   Then I will wake up the next day feeling really awful and berate myself for eating all that bread.


If you allowed yourself to eat some nice toast with butter when your hungry body was asking for it, you would NOT gain weight, and you would NOT set yourself up for a binge.

You would eat it without judgment.  You wouldn’t eat more than you actually want because you were thinking, “I have blown it, might as well eat more.”  Thin people don’t think that way.

And over time, your body would begin to trust you.  You would listen to your hunger and satiety cues and get really really good at answering your body with the type and amount of food that is appropriate for you at the moment in time.

That is what thin people do.  They don’t hide food!  They look forward to eating it when they are hungry!

Thin people use the kitchen door if they feel like it, knowing that walking through a kitchen is in NO WAY a reason to eat.  There is no fear of the kitchen!  Geez!

And if they want a blue kitchen because they like blue, they paint it blue.  But the idea that you would paint your kitchen a color to control your eating is, to a thin mentality person, (like YOU CAN BE)  utterly idiotic.

Does this make sense to you??

Act like a thin person, and you will become on.  Act like a crazed dieter, and you will be a crazed dieter for the rest of your life.  I am so sad that so many people are crazed dieters.  LIfe is too short and wonderful to do that to yourself…


Why biggest loser is part of the problem


Teasers for the Biggest Loser showed Jillian yelling at people who were on treadmills.  The contestants were getting upset and feeling overwhelmed.  The voice over was all about this drama.

Why?  Because the show wants an audience and this juicy drama brings viewers in.

Remember this!  This is entertainment, not good instruction for getting into shape!

Jumping into incredibly hard workouts while someone is yelling at you is a recipe for… ending up back on the couch!!!

Ugh-  This is such a disservice to people who need to start working out.

Folks, that is NOT how it has to be.  That woman on the treadmill was working really hard just to walk.  She is carrying a lot of extra weight.  I want to tell her good job!!

I would encourage her to make moving her body as pleasant as she possibly could.  If that involved taking a break and regaining her breath, I would say fine!

You know why?

Because in order to make exercise a permanent addition to you life, it is important to make it reasonable.  And someone who hasn’t exercised at all and who is overweight, needs to start slowly and build up stamina and endurance.

Then, you can gradually increase the duration and intensity.

Just like listening to your hunger and satiety teaches you to trust yourself, your body needs you to listen to exhaustion and physical misery too!   That way, when you need to motivate yourself to get moving, your body isn’t sending you big “NO!” signals.

Be kind and respectful of your body, at this moment.  Deal with  your size and physical condition appropriately.  Being unreasonable only leads to ultimate failure.


The Stages of Developing your Healthy Thin Mentality



Remember that your thin mentality will get you to a normal lean healthy weight.  It will not get you weird skinny because Mother Nature is wise.

So, for those of you who want to be underweight, please understand that to be underweight, you have to develop an abnormal eating mentality, and that is not what this site, or my message, is about.

I advocate using your healthy thin mentality to deliver your body to its ideal weight range.  Again- not super skinny.

And this happens in stages.

Stage 1

You realize that dieting has made you food obsessed and has not gotten you permanently thin.  You regret all the sacrifices you made as a dieter and are saddened by all the disappointments you endured.

Stage 2

You are ready to learn how to develop your thin mentality.  You make that solemn promise to yourself that you will not diet again.  You do as much as you can to learn about the differences between being a dieter and being a person with a thin mentality.  You begin to make the transition.

Stage 3

You feel unbelievably free.  And that freedom scares you and makes you question whether or not this is too good to be true.  You know that you are doing the right thing.  It feels right.  It feels normal.  But you have a lot of anxiety during this time because you fear that you will gain weight.  You try to keep your focus on the one golden rule:  Stop eating when hunger is gone.  You know that as long as you do that, you will be okay.

Stage 4

You start to have a little faith and confidence that you can do this.  You enjoy eating what you crave when you are hungry and you are happy that  this is not making you gain weight.  In fact, your clothes are starting to feel looser.  And you start to really believe that maybe, just maybe, you can be a thin person, not a dieter.
You are glad you made a pledge to never diet again, and although you meant it at the time, you feel stronger in that commitment now.   People are asking you what you are doing, but you know that it is best to get stronger in your thin mentality before you try to defend it against other people’s opinions.  You know they mean well, but you also know how pervasive the pro-diet propaganda is in our culture, and you don’t feel strong enough yet to try to convince others of the wisdom of practicing thin behavior, not dieting behavior, to get thin.

Stage 5

You are starting to feel relaxed around food and eating and you enjoy your food more and more.  You are becoming very familiar with your hunger, and what foods you truly love, what foods take care of your hunger the best, and how to know when to stop eating.

When people ask you how you have lost weight, you are starting to get more comfortable talking about your thin mentality, and defending your decision to listen to your body instead of the “experts” to get and stay thin.

Stage 6

Some days you still wonder if this is all too good true to be true.  But you are starting to have a lot of optimism and confidence.  And although you know you can eat whatever you are hungry for, you notice that you are getting used to that freedom.  And that is good.  You enjoy desserts and french fries and other once forbidden foods, but you actually find that since they aren’t taboo, a bit of the thrill of eating them is gone.

Stage 7

One morning you wake up and realize that you are that thin person you always wanted to be.  You don’t obsess about food, you are happy with your weight, you have energy in your life for other issues besides your weight.  You are comfortable, relaxed and happy.

These stages are just a rough outline.  And you may cycle through them in a straight line, or you may waffle back and forth a bit.  That is fine.  You are unique, and your journey will be unique too.   And some people will take three months to get to stage 7- others may take 3 years.

There is no better alternative.  You know that.

Believe in yourself.  Listen to your body.  Respect your cravings.  Value your hunger.

It is a gift that means wonderful enjoyment is in the near future.  And stop when your hunger “sauce” is gone.


Dieting Isn’t Glamorous

jennifer-hudson-for-weight-watchers-590bes123110Your diet mentality is reinforced everyday by our culture.  Do not underestimate how many pro-diet messages you receive everyday.

Weight Watchers makes Jennifer Hudson look so glamorous as she is singing away.

I don’t know about you, but I never felt glamorous on a diet.  I felt grumpy.

And after the first few days, when my body adjusted to whatever diet that I was on, I would feel better.  I would be on a diet “high” where this diet was THE ONE.

  •  I would lose weight.
  •  I would go off the diet.
  •  I would gain the weight back.
  •  I went through this cycle so many times.  I am sure that you have too.

It is awful.

Make sure you remind yourself how awful that was.  You need to keep that memory alive as you replace your diet mentality with your thin mentality.

Otherwise, you might bargain with yourself  that you will just go on a diet if this thin mentality thing doesn’t work out.

Stop.  That bargain will keep your diet mentality alive.

Fully commit to giving up dieting.  Eat for one reason only- hunger.  And you will learn that hunger takes different forms.  Having a “taste for something,” can be hunger.  The more you listen to your body and answer the various ways that real hunger expresses itself to you, the better you will get at knowing you are eating for your body, not your brain.


How Do You Stop Eating When It Tastes So Good



I understand that you may need help learning when and how to stop eating.  People say stuff like this to me:

  1. Well, it still tastes good so it is hard to stop.
  2. How do I know when I am not hungry anymore?
  3. I am used to eating a certain amount and it feels so strange to not eat the same.
  4. I was taught that leaving food behind is wasteful.
Okay, I get all of these.  Let’s take them one by one:
1.  Yes I know food can still taste “good” when you are not hungry.   But pay attention to how much better it is when you are truly hungry.  And remember the pay off for this is huge.  Eating when you are hungry and not when you aren’t means that you can ALWAYS eat when you ARE hungry!  Keep reminding yourself of that.  For as pretty good as food can be when you aren’t hungry, NOT eating when you ARE hungry is terrible!
2.  It takes some time to reacquaint yourself with your hunger patterns.  Keep listening.  If you eat and are hungry 20 minutes later, you were probably still hungry and perhaps stopped eating a little too soon.  Just keep paying attention.  Practice listening and you will get the hang of it.  LIsten to your body’s voice without judgment, respond and reflect on how your hunger was taken care of and use that information the next time.
3.  Yes, if you are used to eating a certain amount it takes a little while to adjust.  If you always eat soup and salad and bread and dessert, it may take you a while to understand that you don’t need all of that to satisfy your hunger.  Or, maybe you need more?  This depends on you, your body, your metabolism, your level of activity etc.   Listen to your body’s voice instead of old habits.  And when you replace those old habits with new habits, it will be a permanent fix.
4.  You are not wasting food just because you didn’t put it in your stomach!  Put it in your fridge instead!  And as you learn about what amount of food works for you and get your Healthy Thin Mentality strong, you will be better at judging how much food to put on your plate.

How Do You Measure Success?

overweight looking at scales-1436140

As a dieter, you were used to weighing yourself to see how “successful” you were.

And part of what motivated you was getting on that scale every morning and seeing “where you were.”  And when you started gaining it back, that weigh-in ruined your day.

I understand because I did that too- for years- oops, decades-  ugh.

But I implore you,  as you develop your thin mentality, do not use the scale to punish or praise yourself.

This does NOT mean that I want you “giving in” to being fat.  That is not why I recommend that you stop weighing yourself all the time.

I have just found that weighing yourself all the time is consistent with a diet mentality, not a thin mentality.  Naturally thin people do NOT weigh themselves all the time!

And we are copying the behavior of the naturally thin people, not the dieters, because we don’t want to be dieters for the rest of our lives!   We want to be normal, non-obsessed, naturally thin people.

Think about it this way.  If you adopt the behavior of a successful person, chances are, you have a good, very good, chance of becoming successful yourself.  Similarly, if you adopt the behavior of a naturally thin person…

So- instead of measuring success with your scale, measure it with how many times in a day you exhibited behavior consistent with naturally thin behavior.

For example:

You woke up this morning and cut a ciabatti roll in half and put it in the toaster.  You got it out, and buttered it.   You put your favorite preserves on the side cause you like to dip the bread in it.  Then, when you were half way through you asked yourself, “Do I really want the rest,or am I just eating it because it is in front of me and is still warm and smells good?”  You think about it and realize that a naturally thin person would stop eating now.  The bread was wonderful, but you aren’t hungry anymore.  And you say to yourself, “When I am hungry again, I can eat it.”

When you have a meal like this, give yourself a gold star.  And soon, when your wall is covered in ’em, you will have transformed your diet mentality into a thin mentality.  And, over a period of time, your body will match your mentality.

How long this will take depends of course on how much you have eaten for reasons other than hunger, (in other words, how heavy you are.)   Yes, it will take a while – if you are very heavy.  But really, what choice is there?  Are you going to diet, lose and then diet and gain?  Please, do not fool yourself and say, “Oh no, I really do think that I can diet and keep it off.”  You know, that isn’t true.

Remember,your body doesn’t want to be fat.  It is waiting for you to respect its “I am NOT hungry anymore” signals….

If you put it on a diet, you will lose, then gain, and what you gain will be all fat, and your metabolism will be slower and you will be worse off than when you started.  How do I know?  The best predictor of the future is the past…